10 Things I Hate About CoComelon

TL:DR

I hate the way it teaches me

And the shape of JJ's hair

I hate the way they wash the car

I hate Cody's cool dude stare

I hate the way I tap my boots

As the tunes stick in my mind

I hate it so much that it makes me sick

I watch it all the time

I hate the way it's so polite

I hate Miss Apple - B - E - double R - Y

I hate it when it makes me laugh

Even worse when it makes me cry

I hate how the wheels on the bus go round

And 'Hello?' from the doctor's call

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate it

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

TS:PR (Too Short: Please Rant)

    I love CoComelon. It's pleasant enough that I can ignore it whilst doing other things, but detailed enough that when I find myself paying attention, I never completely feel like I'm wasting my time. If you haven't read my previous post, some clarification may be in order. I have a (now) 9 month old son. He is obsessed with this show and as a result, so am I. To the point that I feel the need to write about it. What is there to write about? What I have to say here ties into the theme of my last post: making art for art's sake. That is, putting a piece of yourself into whatever it is that you do, even a cartoon show meant for babies. It's why I believe this 2 season, 6 episode series on Netflix is so successful.

Sidenote: A new season has just come out, but I haven't (yet) watched it enough to feel comfortable including it in this post. Though I will say that two near-identical versions of the wheels on the bus makes it seem like the well is drying up. My son doesn't seem to care for it either.

Image via wallpapercave.com

    CoComelon didn't start on Netflix. It started on YouTube and is the OG kid-centric YouTube channel. With all the success the channel has had you would think they could just churn anything out and have it rake in all the money in the world (looking at you Disney). But they haven't done that. They've iterated. Each production has been more impressive than the last. From strength to strength they've built their empire on a foundation of solid gold. The kids can tell. The parents can tell. The weird person that watches baby shows on their own can tell. CoComelon is made with love.

Image via wallpapercave.com

    Made with love doesn't mean made with Unreal Engine 5. Although it is definitely cute, bright, and colourful, there are far more visually impressive children's productions out there. One thing that does make it so enjoyable to view are the sets. They are littered with numerous lived-in details making each space feel distinct. The kids bedrooms are themed after each child's interests, the kitchen has a bee themed splash-back and the decorations in the preschool classroom are dialed up to 11. You can tell that the background artists have pushed what materials they have to work with to the limit. It's all in the details, and when you watch something for the millionth time in a row against your will, you notice.

Will you notice? Will anyone ever notice? Am I alone?

    When you truly love something, it's not just about the looks. You also love them for their personality. Aside from the occasional jarring lip-sync and copy-pasted sound bite, the characters display enough subtle variety in their reactions, expressions and movements to have them feel believable and unique. As mentioned in my poem, a character named Cody always gives some kind of 'cool dude' stare. Wallie the wolf always looks like he is scheming, if he's not cackling with maniacal laughter. Bingo the dog's ears lower when he is told off for peeing on the carpet. And when anyone is going potty, you can tell very quickly by their expression if it's a number two! Kids and adults alike will find joy in these fun little nuances that bring these characters to life. That is, if you care for that sort of thing. When you watch it over and over again, you want to point it out!

What's the point of all this? To care about things no-one cares about?

    Aside from the show's characters, the main draw of CoComelon is obviously the music. It's on point and to the point. The instrumentation is consistent; each song sounds good and each song sounds pleasantly the same. Whether it's a beloved classic, like the Wheels on the Bus or something to reinforce good behaviour, such as the Helping Song, the songs are varied enough that you won't memorize them all too quickly. The songs have no preamble aside from a title card, which is great as my son is always placated quickly whenever we put it on. Other shows we have tried out, tend to do some kind of storytelling before getting into the songs. My son doesn't have that kind of attention span yet. He needs music and he needs it now! CoComelon gets that and understands that the story can unfold alongside their catchy covers.

I have stories to tell. Yet they fall on deaf ears.

    I certainly appreciate the stories that go along with the tunes. Doing more than just showing something appropriate to the lyrics, they take opportunity to tell little tales for the viewer to enjoy long after the songs turn into background noise. A little duckling feels left out of the marching band and chucks a tantrum that would make Donald Duck proud. The kids race toy boats and the enhancements they make in an effort to win get more and more elaborate, until Wallie the wolf is summoned with a conch shell to use his super breath to help out the underdog. Pepe the pig helps the kids make the worst hot cross buns ever, because he's a pig and doesn't care what anything tastes like. These are just a few examples of the team at CoComelon going that extra mile in their storytelling. It really helps to build the world around the show's main character and mascot, JJ.

I'm in a show that no one is watching. No one knows who I am. Who am I?

    Who is JJ? Why, he is the protagonist of the show! What do I know about him? Well if the JJ Song is anything to go by, he is the most perfect and beloved baby in the history of the universe. Perhaps this is just me overthinking things but I get some real Bart's Dream / It's a Good Life / WandaVision vibes from this track. Aside from this, JJ is actually a very flawed individual. I mean, he is a baby after all. Which is actually great because it teaches the viewer that even the main character makes mistakes. For instance in Shape Song, JJ and his siblings need to pick out objects that match the shape their mother shows them. JJ finds objects that are the wrong shape, every time. Until at the end when he has to find something that is a circle. You can see him making, and learning from, his mistakes throughout the show. You just have to pay attention.

Image via gifer.com

    It's the same with everything in this show. There is plenty to see if you're willing to look! I'm sure someone out there is writing listicle upon listicle of 10 Things You Missed In CoComelon. People have already written articles about other bizarre easter eggs within the show. So what was the point of this post? The creators of CoComelon didn't have to go that hard, but it wouldn't be an international phenomenon otherwise. Because of them generations of children will one day be posting holo-memes about how they shudder whenever they hear the word, pumpkins. So whatever you pursue in life, be like CoComelon and give it your all! Can you do it? Yes! You can! Yes you caaan.

Image via YouTube

    Thanks again for sticking through another post. I gotta say, I really struggled getting through this one. What children's shows have you been forced into appreciating? Do you love/hate CoComelon as much as I do? What's your current passion project? Have you ever written a top 10 listicle? Do you remember those I Spy books? Feel free to answer any of these questions in the comments below! Any kind of feedback would also be greatly appreciated. I look forward to hearing from you. See you next month in the next post!

- Phil (aka The Lonesome Peanut)